Recycle Your Marriage
By Carolyn Hatcher
Even with the focus on going green, we live in a disposable society. Paper napkins, cups, and plates make washing dishes a thing of the past. At the doctor’s office, you’ll be handed a throwaway gown, and the airline gives throwaway pillows.
Unfortunately, we’ve also bought into the idea of disposable marriages. When your husband leaves his wet towel on the floor or your wife never looks your way, the world tells us, toss ‘em. It’s the same disposable mentality we find on aisle six of the grocery store.
Care must be given to things meant to remain. We brush and floss our teeth each night hoping they will last a lifetime. We hand wash the china passed down from our great-grandmother to protect the gold from rubbing off the edges, and many hours are spent restoring old muscle cars back to their original glory. Time and effort are necessary in restoring or maintaining something we plan to keep.
With the current push for Americans to recycle, the number of recyclers still hovers between 70-80 percent depending on the area of the nation. The divorce rate, however, lingers around 50 percent.
So, why not recycle our marriages?
Webster’s definition for recycle is to pass again through a series of changes or treatments, to reuse, or bring back. If we want a lasting marriage (and we should), sometimes it’s necessary to pass our marriage through a series of changes to bring it back.
So what can you do to recycle your marriage? Here are a handful of ideas to get you started:
1. Discover your spouse’s love language and speak it.
Gary Chapman’s book “5 Love Languages” is an excellent tool to help you understand how to express love to your mate in the way they need it. Chapman’s five love languages are gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. Often we show our spouse love the way we want to be shown it, not the way they need to hear it. Find which love language your spouse speaks, and use it often.
2. Practice the 10-second kiss at least once a day.
You’d be surprised what a little lip-lock can do to jump-start a marriage. Make it a habit to kiss good-bye and hello each day. Then turn up the heat by prolonging your kiss at least ten seconds—the longer, the better. Even if it feels a bit awkward at first, hang in there. Before long, you’ll forget you were counting, and get carried away in the moment. Trust me, some eyebrows will be raising, and they might just be your own!
3. Check in during the day.
With today’s advanced technology, there is no excuse for not communicating. Drop a quick “hope your day is going well.” Whether you text, email, or use the old fashioned telephone, contact your mate at some point while you’re apart. If you’re busy, just say so but follow with, “I was just thinking about/praying for/missing you.” A little effort goes a long way.
4. Apologize for old hurts.
If there are any unresolved issues, apologize for any hurt feelings that may have occurred as a result of you. Drop assumptions at the door and discuss the true issue. Remember, it’s crucial for all parties to feel as they are being heard. Use the rules of active listening, and repeat what you hear to make sure there isn’t a kink in the line of communication. Then share your feelings in a way that isn’t accusatory. Don’t forget to keep your voices low. Yelling only creates tension.
5. Pray for your spouse.
Praying for your mate is always a good idea, especially if your marriage is in dire need of repair. Remarkable things happen with prayer. When we pray for those who hurt us, our hearts soften, and we often realize where our own faults lie. Prayer is free, it’s simple, and you can do it any time of the day.
If your marriage is cracked, beat-up, or you are just plain fed up, don’t be so quick to throw it out with the crumpled paper napkins. Marriages truly aren’t meant to be disposable. With time, effort and a little TLC (tender, loving, care), you can recycle your marriage to last for years to come.